you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have feelings that need drinking.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
