Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
