i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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