Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
