It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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