that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize