Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
