She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
