I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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