Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
