do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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