Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
