yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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