I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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