Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
