Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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