I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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