All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize