I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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