He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
