I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
