Swine flu. Run for my life!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize