i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
