I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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