I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Green mimosas i think yes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
