I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
