so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
