This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
