just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Drunk is not a location!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
