you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
