lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
