I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Randomize
