someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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