we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
