Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
