Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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