I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
