I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
