I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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