you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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