I wanna passion pit in your ass
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
