we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
