I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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