cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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