there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
