The maid of honor just puked.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
