you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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