Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
