Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
