His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
