Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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