omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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