Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
