Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
