I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We left the knife in your bed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
