I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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