birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
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