I hate all girls vehemently.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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