apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
