Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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