And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
