lets start a swedish sibling band together
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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