gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
now i know why i became what i already was.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
