oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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