clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize