I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
