i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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