I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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