In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
