This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
