I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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