piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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