She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
