Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
