pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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