saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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