so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
