Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
