I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
